Friday, Feb. 20 – 9:32 p.m.
Five and a wakeup.
Slight improvement. Tired as hell, but having
difficulty sleeping at night. Keep telling my body, “Go, body! Go! Get those
blood levels and immune system up there!”
Saturday, Feb. 21 – 7:25 a.m.
Four and a wakeup.
Feeling a little better. Food staying with me.
Cheering up.
Sunday, Feb. 22 – 9:55 p.m.
Three and a wakeup. Good day, sleepless night. The
good news: a short story I’ve been pondering started taking shape – whole
scenes complete with dialogue.
Took a shower, with Kathryn hovering by in case I become
dizzy. It’s sunny outside and comfortably warm. My natural melatonin levels are definitely benefitting from the sunlight. Feeling downright cheery.
Ready to face tomorrow when – I’m hope, hope, hoping
– the countdown becomes an actual race to the finish line.
Monday, Feb. 23 – 10:15 a.m.
Heading for the lab for port installation and blood
tests. Will everything okay? Or, will the levels once again be shot and the
session delayed.
A real nail biter. Like waiting for the other chemo
bag to drip
LATER:
Hallelujah! All blood levels – and my immune system
- declared right on the money at this morning’s testing. So we are good to go
and to officially declare this day:
… Two and a wake up.
Tuesday, Feb. 24 – 8:15 a.m.
One and a wake up. Heading out for Chemoland.
LATER
Feeling pretty good after the poisoning session.
That’s a surprise. Better be wary. I know THEY are going to get me one way or
another.
Wednesday, Feb. 25 – 11:03 a.m.
And a wakeup…
Second session completed. Feeling absolutely horrid.
Going to dose myself and crash. Even feeling lousy there is a tingle of
anticipation. One more day to go.
Thursday, Feb. 26 – 10:21 a.m.
It’s Wakeup Day!
Getting unplugged at 1:30. Then across the street to
see Dr. Tomeski. Damn, I can hardly wait.
LATER
The deed is done. I’m free, free, free!
LATER STILL
Too sick to give a damn.
Friday, Feb. 27 – 7:30 p.m.
One day out of Chemo, or… C -1.
Horrid day. Gotta remember to keep doing this one
baby step at a time. Each and every day that separates me from the poisoning
sessions will be just a little bit better.
Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the Marines.
Saturday, Feb. 28 – 10:05 a.m.
Two days out of Chemo, or… C -2.
Feeling a little bit better. Shhh. Don’t let the
chemo gods hear us talking.
LATER
As I feared, the expected celestial kick in the
belly came in the late afternoon and continued through the night. Felt like I
was the reluctant guest of honor at a banquet hosted by Vlad The Impaler.
Sunday, March 1 – 7:30 p.m.
C –3: Another bad day.
TIME TO CLICK THE ‘PAUSE’ BUTTON
As I start on this it is Monday morning (C -4). The
day promises to be a repeat of the others. The fact, is with chemo over, the
only thing I can do now is grin and bear it as the poison slowly loosens its
grip. With all my levels – red and white blood cells, immune system, etc. –
well below normal, it’s going to take time to return to normal – whatever that
is.
My doctor says it’ll take about a month before my
immune system is built up enough to return to the gym – or any other public
place. She says it will take at least a year for the poison to work its way out
of my system.
Meanwhile, there will be many blood tests, lab
tests, PET scans, Pulmonary scans, heart monitoring and so on and so forth ad
infin-nausea. Speaking of nausea, side effects will probably continue unabated
for many months, sloughing off gradually like melting icebergs.
When I asked if this meant I would then be
cancer-free, my doctor gave me a sad look and shook her head. She said the
cancer might be in remission, but I cannot depend in any way that it will not
come back.
Okay, I can take that. I’ve had a dicky ticker
(congestive heart failure) for some years now and know very well that I could do
a Tim Russert and keel over at any moment. So what? We’re all basically blind
and have no guarantee that the next step might be off the edge of a cliff.
Anyway, with tests and other developments spread out
over several months, I’m going to put this blog on “pause” for a time,
reporting in when there is something to report.
What I’m basically waiting for is the day in the
(hopefully) not too far future when Kathryn and I board the train and ride the
Sunset Ltd. from New Orleans to Los Angeles.
In my mind, I can see our families and friends
waiting for us at Union Station.
At long last I can gather my children and
grandchildren into my arms and be smothered by their hugs and kisses.
And that will be the final episode of “Notes From A
Chemo Brain.”
A THOUSAND AND ONE THANKS TO:
Kathryn - My darling, my sweetheart, my confecta –
my bulwark against the storms of life; My wonderful doctor, Aurea Tomeski – one
of the gentlest, most caring and wisest people one could ever hope to meet –
and her marvelous right-hand woman, Carmelita. My brother, Drew, and
sister-in-law, Vicky, who were my sword and shield against some of the worst
side effects; my generous and always loving Aunt Rita; My son, Jason, and
daughter-in-law, Hiroko’; my daughter, Susan, and her wonderful partner,
Sigrid; My grandsons, Ryan, Layne and Asher, who kept our refrigerator bright
and smiley with their art work and pictures; our dear friends, Linda and
Jonathan Beaty, for their timely health treatments. Additionally, I’d like to
thank the marvelous staff at Boca Raton hospital’s IV Center, especially Sue,
Laura, Marilyn, Michelle, Nancy, Sandy and Lyrae.
Finally, I must credit, as well as thank, Mary Hollihan, who inspired the whole idea of “Notes From A Chemo Brain.” She was my
at-home nurse while I was recovering from colon cancer surgery. When I learned
that I had to undergo six months of chemo therapy – SIX MONTHS!!!! – I
immediately looked up the side effects. Almost all of which I have suffered,
and continue to suffer. The list was horrendous. Bleeding, nausea, pain, fever
and chills, fingers so numb as to be almost useless, and on and on.
But as I looked them over I thought, well, suck it
up Cole. You can handle that. The only thing that really got me was the side
effect they listed as “Chemo Brain.” Basically your brains cells wither and
sometimes die from the poison and you are in danger of losing your full mental
powers.
Now, that bothered me to no end. After all – I am my
brain. It has been both my sword and shield in life’s battle. Something I pride
myself on. I was especially worried about losing my writing chops. All those
words and images and experiences that I keep in huge, overflowing memory
treasury chests that I just have to reach into to draw out the precise word,
phrase, character or scene required to make a story.
When I confessed my fears to her, Mary thought a
moment, then said, “Why don’t you start a blog? It seems to me that if you
write about your experiences it will not only exercise your mind, but your word
power as well.”
To be truthful, I was doubtful at first. “I don’t
want to be a whiner,” I said.
“Then don’t whine,” she said. “Stress the positive.
Look for the humor.”
And at that moment the title of this little opus
jumped into my head. And I said, “Notes From A Chemo Brain.”
Kathryn laughed. “By Jove,” she said, “I think
you’ve got it.”
See You Next
When The Conductor Calls:
“All Aboard The Sunset Limited!”
With warm affection and
thanks to my many online friends and readers who have stuck with me all these
months.
Allan
*****
Here's where to get the paperback & Kindle editions worldwide:
Here's what readers say about Lucky In Cyprus:
- "Bravo, Allan! When I finished Lucky In Cyprus I wept." - Julie Mitchell, Hot Springs, Texas
- "Lucky In Cyprus brought back many memories... A wonderful book. So many shadows blown away!" - Freddy & Maureen Smart, Episkopi,Cyprus.
- "... (Reading) Lucky In Cyprus has been a humbling, haunting, sobering and enlightening experience..." - J.A. Locke, Bookloons.com
*****
NEW: THE AUDIOBOOK VERSION OF
THE HATE PARALLAX
THE HATE PARALLAX: What if the Cold War never ended -- but continued for a thousand years? Best-selling authors Allan Cole (an American) and Nick Perumov (a Russian) spin a mesmerizing "what if?" tale set a thousand years in the future, as an American and a Russian super-soldier -- together with a beautiful American detective working for the United Worlds Police -- must combine forces to defeat a secret cabal ... and prevent a galactic disaster! This is the first - and only - collaboration between American and Russian novelists. Narrated by John Hough. Click the title links below for the trade paperback and kindle editions. (Also available at iTunes.)
*****
THE SPYMASTER'S DAUGHTER:
A new novel by Allan and his daughter, Susan
After laboring as a Doctors Without Borders physician in the teaming refugee camps and minefields of South Asia, Dr. Ann Donovan thought she'd seen Hell as close up as you can get. And as a fifth generation CIA brat, she thought she knew all there was to know about corruption and betrayal. But then her father - a legendary spymaster - shows up, with a ten-year-old boy in tow. A brother she never knew existed. Then in a few violent hours, her whole world is shattered, her father killed and she and her kid brother are one the run with hell hounds on their heels. They finally corner her in a clinic in Hawaii and then all the lies and treachery are revealed on one terrible, bloody storm ravaged night.
BASED ON THE CLASSIC STEN SERIES by Allan Cole & Chris Bunch: Fresh from their mission to pacify the Wolf Worlds, Sten and his Mantis Team encounter a mysterious ship that has been lost among the stars for thousands of years. At first, everyone aboard appears to be long dead. Then a strange Being beckons, pleading for help. More disturbing: the presence of AM2, a strategically vital fuel tightly controlled by their boss - The Eternal Emperor. They are ordered to retrieve the remaining AM2 "at all costs." But once Sten and his heavy worlder sidekick, Alex Kilgour, board the ship they must dare an out of control defense system that attacks without warning as they move through dark warrens filled with unimaginable horrors. When they reach their goal they find that in the midst of all that death are the "seeds" of a lost civilization.
*****
Here's where you can buy it worldwide in both paperback and Kindle editions:
United Kingdom ...........................Spain
Also: NOOK BOOK. Plus ALL E-BOOK FLAVORS.
TALES OF THE BLUE MEANIE
NOW AN AUDIOBOOK!
 |
Venice Boardwalk Circa 1969
|
In the depths of the Sixties and The Days Of Rage, a young newsman, accompanied by his pregnant wife and orphaned teenage brother, creates a Paradise of sorts in a sprawling Venice Beach community of apartments, populated by students, artists, budding scientists and engineers lifeguards, poets, bikers with a few junkies thrown in for good measure. The inhabitants come to call the place “Pepperland,” after the Beatles movie, “Yellow Submarine.” Threatening this paradise is "The Blue Meanie," a crazy giant of a man so frightening that he eventually even scares himself.
*****
